Wow. It feels weird blogging today. I really can't believe it has been seven months! For my sanity, I try not to think about what Gabe would look like or what he would be doing at each month, but on angelversaries, sometimes it's hard not to. Maybe starting to crawl? Looking more like Joel? Or maybe even ME!!?? I wonder if (or how) I will recognize him when I get to Heaven. Will he show me around? Will he stay a newborn for me to cuddle and snuggle, or will he be a handsome young man? I know no one knows, but it's fun to dream.
Today has been so great so far, emotionally speaking. I haven't felt despair or depression. There is nothing I can do to bring my baby back, so I am left to just look ahead and learn to live my life without him. Not to "get over it." But, to constantly be aware of my new normal.
It is so comforting to know that my heart doesn't ache today. Yes, there will be bad days. Yes, there will be something that will trigger my sadness out of nowhere. (Why is the new assistant on The Office named Gabriel??!!!) Maybe even tomorrow - but, for today I am feeling pretty okay.
I went to Gabe's gravesite today and took a picture of how it is decorated for spring. As only another grieving mom would understand, this is one of the few things that we can do to feel like we are "taking care" of our lost ones. This time I went shopping with my lovely mother-in-law. We carefully visited many stores, looking for just the right thing to honor our baby for the season. I never want his site to look junky, but I want it to show that it is the honored space for a very loved little boy. We found pretty things and playful things. I think it looks absolutely perfect.
Wishing you all a Happy Spring!