We found out today that this baby is a GIRL, a healthy GIRL. A girl with plenty of fluid around her, complete with a bladder and both kidneys! I have literally been floating all day long. I am in awe of the goodness of God. I was praying for a healthy baby, and was excited that Joel might have a baby brother and I literally feel EXTRA blessed to find out that she's a GIRL!
We've decided on the name Zoe Elizabeth, which is biblical just like our sons' names. It literally means "life/fullness of God" which I thought was particularly amazing since one of our favorite bible verses is John 10:10, "I have come that they may have LIFE, and have it to the FULL."
As I feel this new life moving inside me, I can't wipe this smile off my face, and I can't keep these tears from forming. Thank you all for your prayers!!
A few months ago, I was "introduced" to a friend online because she received a fatal diagnosis at her 20 week ultrasound. Found out today that she had her precious baby yesterday, a baby with a beautiful name, a baby who died moments after being born.
A few weeks ago I found a Momma on my Potter's Syndrome BabyCenter group who is pregnant with her second Potter's Baby. She had three healthy girls in between. They did everything they were supposed to. Were told it was a fluke. Again.
A dear friend of mine is married to a wonderful man, a man who was diagnosed with brain cancer.
None of these situations are "fair." Spiritually speaking, I "get" why God "allows" such things to happen to us. I understand that we live in a fallen world and that if horrible things such as these DIDN'T happen, we humans would not feel like we had a need for a Heavenly Savior. I fully grasp that sometimes awful things have to happen, in according to His will, and that in turn, it draws us closer to Him. No really, I get it.
But, the empathetic/social worker side of me actually FEELS for people when I hear about their situations. I ache when I think about the mom who woke up this morning, wondering for a split second if it was all a dream. No, I did actually birth my baby yesterday. And that baby did die in my arms.
I'm anxious for newly pregnant friends. I know what "worst case scenerio" looks like. And I was called "Negative Nancy" and "Worst Case Wanda" BEFORE I lost my Gabey. It's just how my mind functions. A nice way to explain it is that my "spiritual gift is mercy." Now, doesn't that sound better?? Anyway you want to say it, I feel for others.
I'm so sorry to any of you, all of you, who are going through a similar situation. All I can do is pray, pray, pray.
Psalm 94:19 NLT
"When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer."
Well, now that it's been a day since we saw baby, I did want to get back on here and say that I am feeling much better about everything. I came home from the dr's office and refreshed my memory by examining Gabe's ultrasounds verses Joel's ultrasounds and this baby has just as much fluid as Joel had.
I am praying that baby has nothing but good news for us during our big ultrasound. The fact that I have continued to feel movement has only helped me feel better about everything.
Thanks so much to all of you who have been checking this site. And thank you for your prayers and encouragement.
Oh, and FYI, we DO NOT CARE what the gender is. We will be finding out, but we will both be thrilled with a brand new baby girl, or be just as thrilled to find out Joel finally gets a baby brother he can play with! AND, I think we finally have names for either one! Whew! One less thing to worry about!! ;)
Appt today went okay. My dr's office graciously allowed us to see baby via ultrasound, and baby waved to us, but (in my opinion) baby didn't have a lot of fluid around him/her. The dr said baby's fluid looked ok, and pointed out the "black" areas, but there wasn't an abundance of fluid surrounding baby like I was waiting to see. Blah. Kyle and my friend Karlee just KNEW this is how it would go down today - that seeing baby via ultrasound would not give me 100% satisfaction, thus making me still rely on God for peace and comfort. I am fine with that. Just anxious. So, if you need a prophet for whatever reason, contact them. ;)
Oh my gosh guys. I can't thank you enough for praying!! This site was visited 71 times today and you ALL must be some powerful prayer warriors cause I have felt baby move about SIX TIMES since this afternoon. One little nudge was so hard, it startled me!! I immediately started bawling from happiness. God is so good. You are all so amazing. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! :)
I have not been blogging because of my poor emotional state. I find myself in the middle of a storm, having to rely on my trust and faith, which has been a struggle. I feel like I'm doing all the right things - praying for myself, asking Kyle to pray, walking up and receiving prayer at church, but I do not find the comfort and peace that I am seeking. So, I am asking for your prayer as well. I remember feeling carried through some of my toughest days when I was waiting on Gabriel to come, finding out later that so many people were praying, even fasting, for me. It's very humbling to get on here and put all this out there and ask for anything, but I'm doing it.
I am not feeling baby move. I felt Joel at 16 weeks, and you are supposed to feel each baby sooner. I didn't feel Gabe at 16 weeks. We have an appointment Thursday and I am praying they give me an ultrasound so I can see baby with my own eyes. I hope this will give me peace of mind and that my faith will be restored.
I was comparing Joel's newborn pictures with Gabriel's photos. I think they definitely look similiar, like siblings, but I can see the differences too. Gabey had my nose, and Daddy's full lips. Joel has a button nose and my little lips. P.S. Joel only looked like this for his first few hours, by day two he looked just like Daddy - and nothing has changed since... And now a few "just the three of us" shots...
Wanted so share a few quotes I have around the house that bring me comfort.
"Little I knew that morning, God was going to call your name. In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone, for part of me went with you, the day God called you home. You left us beautiful memories, your love is still our guide. And though we cannot see you, you are always by our side. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same, but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again."
"There is comfort in knowing that the moon will continue to rise and the sun will continue to set and that a SMILE will find my face whenever I think of YOU."