Hello followers. Just having a really sad afternoon and decided to blog in hopes of feeling better. My mom got me the newest Steven Curtis Chapman CD, Beauty will Rise, which he wrote after losing his daughter, Maria. For those of you who don't know, in May of 2008, his teenage son accidentally ran over his adopted daughter in their driveway. She was five years old. The cd is amazing, but I bawl the whole time I'm listening to it. My favorite song has to be Heaven is the Face.
You can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9JTwJ_1lzE
Heaven is the face of a little girl, with dark brown eyes that dissapear when she smiles. Heaven is the place where she calls my name, says, "Daddy please come play with me for awhile."
God, I know, it's all of this and so much more.
But, God, you know that this is what I'm aching for.
God, you know, I just can't see beyond the door.
So right now, Heaven is the sound of her breathing deep, lying on my chest, falling fast asleep while I sing. And Heaven is the weight of her in my arms, being there to keep her safe from harm while she dreams.
Heaven is a sweet maple syrup kiss. And a thousand other little things I miss with her gone. Heaven is the place where she takes my hand and leads me to you and we both run into your arms.
Oh God, I know, it's so much more than I can dream.
It's far beyond anything I can conceive.
So, God, you know, I'm trusting you until I see Heaven in the face of my little girl.
I literally feel like God took his daughter so that he would write this music - to comfort and bless people like me. Now, I'm really sad that that had to happen to him, but it helps make sense of his loss.
I've been spending my afternoon with my boys. Kyle on the floor playing legos with Joel Bee. Me making dinner and listening to this cd, watching the gorgeous snow falling outside. And, it's all really nice. But I miss my son. I'm sad that I'm not holding him as we watch them play. I'm sad that I can't see Joel interact with him. I can only pray that God will bless me again with another baby to love.
Hope you're all enjoying this weather. It's certainly causing us all to spend a LOT of time with our families! Little shout out to my MIL, Dawn, who took care of Kyle and I this morning when we came to visit her. It was so incredibly nice to be served lunch, sitting on the couch, not having to move a muscle. Thank you...