Hey guys. Thought I'd give an update NOT on the 21st, since those days are usually hard for me. I have to say, I think Kyle and I are doing very well. I am officially off all meds, and have been relying on God's strength to get me through each day. Wow, that'll bring you closer to him!
We still have our moments of sadness, sometimes because of a trigger, sometimes for no reason at all. We visit Gabe's gravesite and talk to him. We talk to Joel about his younger brother. And, we praise God for our "sons." Which, always brings a smile on my face.
For me, one of the hardest things that has come up since the sadness has lifted, has been the feeling of guilt. You feel like you need to do certain things on certain days at certain times, to honor your lossed loved one. But, it's not always possible. And sometimes you think you should be bawling, but the tears aren't coming, and you get angry for not showing an emotion. But, God is allowing me to be content in my life, exactly where I'm at. Which, I think, is the greatest goal.
One thing that has helped with this guilty feeling, has been a present from my amazing husband. He made an 18 month calendar for me, full of pictures of ONLY Gabe. Now everyday when I'm on the computer, I can look over and gush over my angel baby. What an amazing, thoughtful thing.
I hope that my other Potter's Mommas are starting to feel a little better, themselves. This is so hard, but it does get easier. We will NEVER get over the loss of our babies, but we will learn to live with the blessings God has granted us. And, let us never forget, we will see them again one day. For me, that is the greatest comfort in all of this.