I am only typing so that I might feel better by getting my emotions out. I am so sad. I miss Gabe so much that it physically hurts. I have been weeping too long this evening and I just want to feel better. I want to hold my baby in my arms. I want to watch him sleeping. I want to be able to see Joel give him kisses. I want my whole family, complete with my two boys. I want to be exhausted because I've been up feeding my son, not because I'm emotionally drained. I ache.
I hate enduring this pain and hope that a bigger purpose will be made known to me someday. I know I am showing others how to have faith in hard times, but I just want to have my baby. So many people tell me how much Joel looks like Kyle, but on a daily basis I see myself in him. He has my heartshaped face, my expressive eyebrows, and my complextion. His eyes get red when he's tired or upset. It just makes me wonder what Gabe would be looking like now. I think he looked so much like me. He had my nose. My exact nose is on that little boy's face. He would have been four months old this coming Monday. Getting chubby, I'm sure. I just miss him. Ok, done venting. Night, all!
Brittany
12/19/2009 04:18:41 pm
I feel like a creeper always leaving comments on your site!
Wendy
12/20/2009 03:53:28 am
Continue to be strong Meg, I know you will continue to endure tough times, but I also know that your faith and belief in our Lord is one of the strongest I have ever witnessed. Continue to lean on him and cherish your family and think of Gabe often. You are amazing, and I am sure your little angel is as well.
Carrie
12/29/2009 07:57:26 am
I like reading what you write... it makes me feel a little bit more normal. You have been an inspiration for so many people--- you never know who has heard your story. Brent went to a random doctor's appointment last week and after they called him back, a nurse came in the room and asked if he was Kailee's daddy. He was so excited! Someone he had never met was asking about Kailee.... Our stories will reach people who may never have been reached before. Our little ones are playing in heaven together. Comments are closed.
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Author: Meghan
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