Ask anyone. Friends, family, the people in our bereavement group. I thought things would be easier on this side of things. After Gabe was born. And, you know, in many ways it is. I am no longer waiting for the day when Gabriel will arrive, anxiously wondering when labor will happen. I know how his story will end how every detail will pan out. I know I will be lucky enough to see him born alive and will be able to spend a wonderful day with him. And, most importantly, now that I am on the other side, I am able to begin my grieving process. And for all of these things, I am thankful.
However, this lovely grieving process is no walk in the park. It is hard work. I was assured today that the first few months are the hardest, although I will miss my little man for the rest of my life. Here’s the bottom line. I now know what my goal is: To always remember my son, but to be able to remember him without feeling intense pain. And, in time, I will be able to do that! What a blessing to even think about such a possibility! I really can’t wait…
Sometimes thinking about the future is too difficult right now. The other day, I was trying to think about the exact moment when Joel would truly realize that he had a younger brother. But, then it occurred to me that because he will grow up around pictures of Gabe and a family talking about his little brother, he will mature while he is gaining that understanding - it will be a process. Whew! I think Joel will grow to have the same appreciation for Gabriel’s life as others have had. Gabe has shown so many people that every life is valuable and worth saving.