Ask anyone. Friends, family, the people in our bereavement group. I thought things would be easier on this side of things. After Gabe was born. And, you know, in many ways it is. I am no longer waiting for the day when Gabriel will arrive, anxiously wondering when labor will happen. I know how his story will end how every detail will pan out. I know I will be lucky enough to see him born alive and will be able to spend a wonderful day with him. And, most importantly, now that I am on the other side, I am able to begin my grieving process. And for all of these things, I am thankful.
However, this lovely grieving process is no walk in the park. It is hard work. I was assured today that the first few months are the hardest, although I will miss my little man for the rest of my life. Here’s the bottom line. I now know what my goal is: To always remember my son, but to be able to remember him without feeling intense pain. And, in time, I will be able to do that! What a blessing to even think about such a possibility! I really can’t wait… Sometimes thinking about the future is too difficult right now. The other day, I was trying to think about the exact moment when Joel would truly realize that he had a younger brother. But, then it occurred to me that because he will grow up around pictures of Gabe and a family talking about his little brother, he will mature while he is gaining that understanding - it will be a process. Whew! I think Joel will grow to have the same appreciation for Gabriel’s life as others have had. Gabe has shown so many people that every life is valuable and worth saving.
Wendy
10/9/2009 05:19:47 am
You continue to be so brave and strong, letting us follow you through this process is so noble. I return almost daily to read your blog, and check for my pictures of little Gabe. Comments are closed.
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Author: Meghan
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