So, I'm at the grocery store with Joel today and the bagger asks me the dreaded question as he looks at Joel, "Is he your only child?" "Yes" I respond quickly, and then immediately regret that I have just denied my other son.
This is probably only the second time I've decided not to go into detail about the fact that, yes, I do have another child; he was born eight months ago but he passed away. It's a simple sentence to say, but somehow parents of angels feel the need to protect other peole around us. I'd rather not go into with the bagger at Martin's because I know exactly what will happen. His face will drop, he'll feel like an ass for asking the world's most common question to parents, and then he'll say "I'm so sorry." Which almost always makes you want to say "It's okay!" But, it's so not okay, so why do we do that?
Just last Sunday Kyle was talking to a couple after church. The man started (jokingly) giving Kyle a hard time for only having one child so far, and pointed at me and said "and she's not even pregnant yet?!" Kyle just laughed politely and I leaned over him and said sternly, "No, we had another son eight months ago who passed away." Then, it happened. They felt awful. The conversation quickly ended.
It's just one of those normal things that happens often when you have a child who has passed away. Just take a minute and think about it. It happens to my dear friends who have only ever had a Potter's baby. "Do you have any children?" It's seriously the most common question when meeting new people, other parents, married couples.
Also think about how many times you've asked someone "When are you guys gonna have a baby!?" or "When are you going to try for another one?" I'm not saying stop asking these questions, because they are great get-to-know-you questions. But, just be sensitive to the fact that maybe they are trying. Maybe they've been trying. Maybe it breaks their hurt everytime someone asks them. I know it's hard to think about how other people may feel in every situation, but (if you're like me) once you've experienced something similar, you put on your advocate hat and try to protect those you care about.