Hello everyone. Just wanted to finally get on here and give you an update on how we're doing emotionally. It has been six months and one week since we had to say goodbye to our angel. I feel like my emotional state has been much improved since about five months. Kyle, on the other hand, has spent so much time and energy taking care of Joel and I, that now that I'm starting to feel better, his emotions are catching up to him.
He has had mono for about a month and a half now, and is starting to feel better physically. But emotionally, (his words) he is not 100 percent yet. My heart just aches for him; I know exactly how he feels. And, he's not one to talk about himself to others, so not many people know that he is depressed. So many people have commented on how sad and ill he looks, and how he's not acting like himself, all the while they are crediting his mono with these symptoms. Kyle doesn’t have the heart to tell them that it's because his body aches with sadness.
I have been doing my best to help Kyle through this. Talking with him, going into my counselor-mode, sharing songs and videos that have helped me. Lately, the thing that has been helping me the most is a book that another Potter's Momma graciously mailed to me, called Holding on to Hope, by Nancy Guthrie. The book is written by a mom who lost her daughter, and includes an eight week study on the book of Job. I have highlighted almost the entire book. It has really been speaking to me...
"Job's story is about much more than his suffering. Somehow, along the way, he discovered God in a way he had never known him before... And so it is in our sadness that we discover a new aspect of God's character and reach a new understanding of him that we could not have know without loss."
It talks about how going to church and worshiping can be difficult. It discusses the gratitude that we learn after a loss - that our child was a gift from God, and that we are lucky to have had any time at all with them. It goes into detail about the blame we feel, where we put it, and where it should go. It speaks about suffering and how it is not meaningless. "If God has allowed suffering into your life, it is for a purpose." And, so far, my favorite chapter is on eternity. I love the line where the author says, speaking about her own daughter, "I don't believe it is a tragedy that Hope had the opportunity to be spared from the evil and pain of this life and instead be in the presence of God." LOVE THAT!
If you are reading this blog because you have had a loss, I strongly recommend that book. There are lots of books out there for miscarriage, but if you have had an infant loss - this book is just what you're looking for.
So, say a small prayer for my husband. And all the husbands who have to go through the tragedy of losing a child. It is a very difficlut thing to go through, and we often forget that the Daddy suffers too. In love, Meg