Recently I was made painfully aware that not everyone understands the loss of a child. Some can't even begin to understand why we carried Gabriel to term, and believe he should have been aborted when we received our fatal diagnosis at twenty weeks. So, for the majority of you out there who do understand, or can at least empathize with us - please take a moment and make a comment on this blog. It would help me make a point to those who are casting such a negative light on this aspect of my life.
Here are some of the highlights of what I was told: Other people (who are grieving) handle this better, without upsetting their families. I need to get over it and I sound crazy. I upset everyone around me, and need to be considerate of them. My support group isn't good for my mental health. I shouldn't be thinking about/remembering him every month, every year until I die. "He wasn't a real person." If this has upset you, or you just don't agree with it, PLEASE make a comment on this post. This blog is visited anywhere from 30 to 300 times per day each month. So many of you remain anonymous, yet are consistant with your visits. Please take a moment and comment. Thanks!
Jen
9/8/2010 08:10:15 am
Meghan,
Jen
9/8/2010 08:19:16 am
I realize it may sound silly to quote Dr. Suess, but the first time I read that book as an adult, I felt very strongly that this phrase was in there for a reason. :)
Sarah
9/8/2010 08:24:34 am
Meghan....I know that it has been a very long time since we have seen each other in person, but I have the upmost respect and love for you. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling, and I pray for you. I have no idea what I would have done in your situation, but I would like to think that I would be strong enough to take the harder road. I am not sure that I could live with myself in that situation without meeting and holding my child, so I respect you for your decisions. You have two beautiful sons and you are a wonderful mother.
Grace Miller
9/8/2010 08:29:54 am
My heart breaks for you. Your love for baby Gabe is exactly how a mother's love should be: eternal and unconditional. I pray that your pain diminishes with time, and that only your memory and love remains. Gabe is with Jesus, and one day you will join them and you will have the rest of eternity to bond with your son. May God have mercy on those heartless and cruel people who have hurt you, so that they might get to know Gabe in heaven too. I'm beaming lots of love & prayers your way!
Brandy
9/8/2010 09:21:46 am
Meg,
Amanda
9/8/2010 09:39:27 am
Meghan, I'm so sorry you're experiencing such horrible judgment & criticism for your decision. You are an amazingly strong person & such a wonderful example of what it looks like to lean into God & trust him completely, no matter how difficult that is to do.
Jessica
9/8/2010 11:17:29 am
First, I have to say that I am so sorry for the pain that others are so selfishly causing you. When I first read your blog, I couldn’t honestly believe what I read and had to read it again. I have to say that I’m appalled that anyone feels they have the right to judge you.
Nikki
9/8/2010 02:11:13 pm
Meghan,
Jenna
9/9/2010 12:52:42 am
It says in the bible that we are made from dust and God breathes life into us. That our breath is his breath. GOD MADE HIM and God should decide when he was going to return to him. Gabe came into this world breathing...so who are we to decide when that should stop. WOW Meghan, I am just so stunned by others. I pray for others who don't feel the same way. Life is so precious. There is a short video called NOOMA "Breathe" and it explains how God breathed life into us and what it really means. Gave me chills, hope others get a chance to feel that way about life and the breath that we breathe.
Alexis
9/9/2010 03:04:04 am
You and Kyle are two of the strongest people I know. Spiritually, emotionally (though at times I am sure you don't think so) and physically. Everyday you have to wake up, go about your day, as if everything is normal. But its not normal. You have a lost a son, a child. Each day you live, you are reminded that you are a family of 4, but only 3 are here physically. How can you NOT remember your son every year, every month, every day? It angers me to think that some people just dont understand it. What is there to not understand? God gave him life, you nurtured His child for as long as God allowed you to, and then God called him home. You and Kyle have done what He has asked of you, and anyone who knows you personally, and spends time with you, can tell that you are wonderful loving people.
Angelle
9/9/2010 07:49:19 am
As a fellow mother who has loss a child I cannot imagine not thinking about my Alexander every month, every day, for the rest of my life. My loss is still very fresh so I really dont have the words but I do understand. My prayers and thoughts are with you :-).
Brittany
9/11/2010 01:45:34 pm
I'm with you, Meg. The insensitive people are the hardest part to deal with. How dare someone judge our decision when they have absolutely NO idea what we've been through? There is absolutely nothing that compares to losing a child and it's pure ignorance that anyone would question you. There is so much I want to write...I've typed about 15 sentences and I keep deleting them because it's probably not appropriate to put on your blog. I get pretty fired up reading things like this simply because I know how you feel. If someone has a negative opinion about such a huge event in your life, they need to zip it. You did the right thing and you'll be rewarded for all the pain you've been through. Love you, Meg. 9/13/2010 06:37:05 am
Meghan,
Meg, The road that you and your husband took is a hard road, I know, I did it myself. Many people will never be able to relate to us mama's who have lost a child and those who can't relate, should keep their thoughts to themselves. The heartache we feel is raw and when we don't have the support of family, friends, and others in the community it adds to the hurt.
Mary Jane Verhulst
9/15/2010 01:09:02 pm
People who ever never lost a child have not idea the pain and loss that we experience. It has been almost 6 and 5 years since my babies were stillborn. I would be lieing if I said that I didn't have set backs. Stay strong and follow your heart. Only you know how to heal. Hugs.
Mallory
9/15/2010 02:57:22 pm
I am an angel's aunt. I dont know your pain first hand but my sister in law is Brittany Clark. I went on Thanksgiving to meet my nephew because he was a part of our family and I wanted him to know how much I loved him. For someone to say that he wasn't a real person is terrible. They were living and breathing and moving just like anyone else. I think you gave your son a fighting chance and you will be rewarded by the only one that matters. I respect you and all other potters mom for doing what you did. You are an amazing, caring mom and God will help ease your pain. Take care and god bless you.
Karri
9/15/2010 03:57:47 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. I am a friend of Brittany's and I feel for you all going through these hard times. My heart breaks hearing these stories. I wish the world was not so harsh on such sensitive subjects. I think your blog is wonderful and hope you continue with it. I check Brittany's often. You are an incredible mother, and along with your husband, wonderful parents. It's the hardest job you will ever have. I can't even imagine what the past year has been like for you. Please know there are people out there that think of you, and admire you for all your choices.
Ann
9/18/2010 04:54:34 am
Meghan,
Beth
9/27/2010 07:19:31 am
Hi Meghan,
Lauren
10/2/2010 03:07:29 pm
Hang in there, girl. Every one of us loves to judge a situation that we don't understand. There's a heartfelt empathy that we gain when we've actually been through a situation that someone else has been through. Obviously those who are critical of you have not been through that. May you give grace to them and forgive them and know that God is the only one who needs to approve of you and I am certain that he does!
Sara-Rae Remmel
12/29/2010 03:14:31 am
God chose you to carry Gabe because He knew that you have enough respect for life to carry a terminally ill baby to term. Others who would kill their pre-born babies or otherwise think that they were never a real person...God does not choose them for such important tasks. You are special - you were chosen!! Comments are closed.
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