Hello friends! Just wanted to update and share what a great week I'm having thus far. I realized that unless you readers actually see me regularly, you may think that I'm always having one heck of a time based on these blogs. But, the truth is that I vent via this website, or through a Facebook status, because I know that letting it out will help me AND that being honest about being sad means I will be lifted up in prayer. So, rest assured, I do have many many good days...
So, the strangest thing happened. I got an apology from the individual who said all those hurtful things to me the other week. Hmm. I don't know if it was all of your encouraging words, the threats of violence (ha), of the miracle of prayer, but something amazing happened. Just wanted you to know... The nice thing is that this means I am actually able to let this go. This was the 2 percent of negativity surrounding the birth and death of my son, and now it's over. I can once again begin concentrating on all the positive that Gabe brought to my life. I can bathe myself in all the enouragement and praise that we've received since day one.
Just received this from a new friend, "I just wanted to send a quick message although I don't really have the words to express what I want to say. I spent yesterday morning reading your blogs and looking at your beautiful pictures and I was just very touched... It made me kiss my family a few more times and say I love you with a little more meaning. Just felt the need to let you know that and I really enjoyed meeting you. Thank you for sharing your experience with others, as hard as it might be, but knowing that you are helping others, strengthening family bonds, and bringing people closer to God."
And then this earlier in the week from someone I just met, "I just read your entire web site, and as you know it is amazingly beautiful. You and your husband are inspirational, and I truly admire your love for the Lord and your desire to do His will. You have a beautiful family, and your son Gabe was so precious. You will see him again so very soon. I will be praying for you and I wish you the very best. You are definitely changing lives. I am sitting here crying my eyes out! haha I hope I get the chance to get to know you better!"
And then this just today from a dear friend, "I can not find the words that I would like to say to you. You are an amazing person and I look at things differently and thankfully because I've meet you. Thanks for being such a loving person. You light up the room when you smile."
I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. I'm trying to convey to you all just how much positive, loving encouragement I actually receive. I think it's such a testimony to Gabe's life. We talked this morning in my Mom's Group about how it would feel to live right in the center of God's will. We discussed how it may be painful on us physically and emotionally, even though spiritually it would be for the best. How can I not think of my Gabey? It was obvious to me that chosing to carry Gabe to term and allow God to decide when his life would end was God's obvious will. Did it hurt? Oh yeah. But, ultimately I put myself in the center of His will and that's exactly what He asks of us.
I am moving into a new phase of "normal" since losing Gabe. It's the becoming-grateful-for-every-single-little-thing phase. It's nice. I recommend it. I hold Joel tighter. I no longer allow him to cry more than five minutes when I put him down for bed. I gush over my ah-mazing hubby even more than before. And, did I mention that I have the BEST friends a girl could ask for? Seriously. As one friend put it, upon seeing all the people who came out to Gabe's 1st Angelversary, "You could be mad at a whole group of friends and still have plenty left!" Ha!