I am so very sad this week, same as last. The week leading up to Gabe's birthday was very difficult for both Kyle and I. It all seemed unreal. It's crazy how I can remember so much from his birth, yet it also feels like it's so distant I doubt that it really happened. I question how in the world I had the strength to endure it. How did I carry him for nine months, knowing I wouldn't be bringing him home? How did I endure two weeks of contractions? How did I endure labor and the moments leading up to giving him away? Seriously. How did I physically do it?
I just want to be pregnant again. Somehow I think that having a normal pregnancy, a great birth, and a new baby will heal my heart. All I can do is pray to God, that he would be gracious enough to trust me with another child. Somedays it just doesn't feel like enough.