Hello dear friends. Well today Gabe is turning 11 months old in Heaven! I often wonder when I get up there to see him if he'll be just two hours old, a tiny infant I'm able to hold and cuddle - which would allow me to be there with him as he grows... Or if he'll be a mature young man, able to show me around and teach me all I know to know about paradise. Kyle often reminds me that it doesn't matter. I feel strongly that I will recognize him immediately, no matter what how big or small his body may be.
C.S. Lewis said, "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." I think about that in respect to Heaven. And, the simple answer is, no one really knows what we'll look like in Heaven. But, I'm finally at the point where I can think about it and it makes me smile, not cry. I cannot wait to see my Gabey Baby again. That's not to say we have nothing to cry about these days. We miscarried yesterday morning, a pregnancy we've only known about since Monday July 5th. We were so happy, full of a deep sense that God was showing us how faithful he really is. So, although the miscarriage was more of a shock to Kyle than it was to me, it's still been a rough and unexpected hurdle to climb. All I can say is, "We'll just try again." Now, I don't know how many more times I can do that, but one thing I know for sure is that I want a sibling for Joel. He deserves to have a playmate and a best friend. I think because Kyle and I are both one of three kids, we know how great it is to grow up with other children. I pray that God is done teaching us lessons for awhile, ha. I loved being pregnant again. I immediately had heartburn, which has been my steady first symptom with all my pregnancies. Yes, it's annoying, but I still loved feeling it. So far I can tell you that losing Gabe and having a miscarriage has given me additional perspective. Losing a child at five/six weeks along is not as painful and traumatic as carrying a baby to full term, delivering and burying that infant. No funeral arrangements had to be made. I don't have a face and a name to attach to these past few weeks. But, that's not to say that I am discounting this as a loss. It's just a different kind of loss. It's much more a loss of what we wanted, the idea of having another - if that makes sense. I know God is faithful so I am confident that we will conceive again. But, let me tell you, I don't think we'll tell a soul until it's becoming obvious the next time around! It was so hard to try and remember everyone I had shared the good news with, only to have to send out a mass email informing them of our loss. And no one feels like talking after a loss. It's been hard to hear the phone ring. Thank you for offering support and love during this time.
Brittany
7/21/2010 03:46:24 pm
I'm so glad you let us all know, Meg. I'm so sorry. A life, even so short, is worth mentioning...don't hold out too long! You know I'm totally kidding, you tell everyone when you and Kyle are ready and we'll all support you no matter what. If you want to, I give you permission to lie to me if you don't want to tell me :D Love you, girl...
Heather Kaufman
7/22/2010 07:27:41 am
Meghan, Kyle, Joel, and Gabe,
Regina Filangi
7/22/2010 07:30:05 am
There are no words for how amazing and faithful you are. I love and respect you and everything that you have been through. You are in my continued prayers on a daily basis. Hugs!
Stephanie Phelps
7/23/2010 07:27:11 am
Mrs. and Mr. D- I want to tell you both how deeply I feel for you and how much I have prayed for you during your loss of Gabe and your current loss. I work at school with Mr. D as a cafeteria aid and my son is in his summer school class and hoping he gets him as a teacher this year. I lost my first child to SIDS in Dec. of 98. Joshua was 2 months old. I can't express how my heart goes out to you all and your family. It's odd how the loss of a child brings you so much closer to God and strengthens your faith. It certainly did with me and my husband. Your website is beautiful and thank you for sharing it with others. Know there are people out here who pray for you, care about you and your children and are there for you without you even knowing it. I pray God keeps you in His love and blesses you with a fourth miracle when you are ready. Peace be with you. Comments are closed.
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Author: Meghan
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