So, yesterday was the first time we ever put Zoe in our church's nursery. She did really well, I however did not. I was anxious all morning just thinking about dropping her off, leaving her in someone else's care, being away from me.
I spent a lot of time praying, asking God to calm my heart. I dropped her off, explained that I was a crazy Momma who was worked up about leaving her, and not to hesitate to have me come get her when she, inevitably, freaked out when she realized her entire world was not within ten feet of her.
It was nice to be able to get my coffee and not have to try to juggle it all. But, as soon as the worship started, the tears started. I was singing and crying, and crying and singing. So I took a moment to reflect... Was I was upset about leaving Zoe because she's my little girl - precious in every way, or because she's my rainbow baby - and I'm overprotective of her, always fearful that something may happen to her... Through the tears I started to wonder if God wasn't calming my heart because my mommy instinct was telling me to run and go get my little girl, or if I just wasn't letting go. And then it occurred to me, through all these racing thoughts, that I was actually allowing myself to worship for the first time in a long time. I wasn't preoccupied with staring at my sweet Zoe, but I was actually praising God - for the present moment I was in, and everything He has done for me.
So I took a deep breath and prayed a little prayer - God, please calm my heart. Take this anxiety from me unless I really am supposed to get up and check on my little girl. And like a gust of wind, the negative lurking feelings disappeared. I was only left with contentment and I realized what a gift it was to be able to praise my Creator, without any distractions.