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Last night, something amazing happened. I saw my child's face. I saw the face of Gabriel, not as the newborn I gave birth to, not the face I saw taking his last breaths, no. It was the face of a two year old little boy, smiling sweetly down to me, seated right next to Jesus.
I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately. Zoe is back to being very fussy and rarely content. Joel is struggling daily to master potty training, which as any parent can tell you, is very draining. Kyle has been amazing and so helpful and we even spent all day yesterday accomplishing everything I could think of that may ease my anxiety. Still, after groceries were purchased, the pictures were sorted, the house was cleaned and organized, I still felt literally paralyzed in my anxiety. I went to bed early. I heard Zoe crying sometime in the night and after I went in to check on her, my anxiety was at an all time high. I woke Kyle up, asking him to pray over me. He prayed that Satan wouldn't have a foothold in my life and that Jesus' presence would be a source of calm and comfort. He prayed that angels would be watching over us, our children, our home. He prayed that an angel would guard our room and sit out on our bedroom balcony. And as he spoke these words, I began weeping. I tried to find comfort in what he was saying, what he was asking. And as I imagined angels guarding my home, I thought of my very own angel. And then I saw his face. You know how people say they know a thought is from God, when it jumps in their head faster than their own mind could think of it? Well, seeing his face was kind of like that. I saw it so clearly, and it was so HIM, that I knew I didn't dream it up, that it was actually him. I hope that makes sense. So what did he look like? Oh my goodness. He was the perfect mix of both Joel and Zoe. Joel's hair is white blond, while Zoe's came out dark brown, and Gabriel was right in between. It made me think about how often people question how dark Zoe's hair is in comparison to Joel's and that if Gabey was still here, he would literally be the missing link between them. His face was precious and dear and chubby. And his smile was loving, with sweet big eyes. The best way to describe it would be to show you pictures of my kids and tell you that he was a mixture of these: Well, these kids just keep getting bigger and smarter. Enjoy these pics!! It's official. Joel is now completing 300 piece puzzles. He had been doing 150 piece puzzles for awhile now and Kyle really wanted to know if he could do more, but it wasn't until Joel mastered potty training that we gave him the opportunity to complete GIANT puzzles. The 300 piece puzzles are very easy for him, they just take him longer to do. So amazing. He and Daddy have been working on a 500 piece together in the evenings. Little Miss tried rice cereal for the first time. She's been eating her fists, and has fallen in love with three fingers in particular. So, one night right after her bottle I thought, she's either teething already or still hungry. Decided to give it a try! She actually did amazingly well!! But as soon as she was done it all came back up! Guess she wasn't hungry!! I think we'll wait a few more weeks before we try again. And one final advancement - the house is decorated for Christmas!! It was so fun to decorate this year because Joel was very excited and actually helped Kyle and I put the ornaments on the tree. I've had the Christmas music blasting for days now; it puts me in such a great mood! Wishing you and yours a very blessed holiday season! Love, Meg
So, what's new with everyone? Here's an update on the Dingle household! Kyle and I have been together nine years in January. He continues to be the most amazing husband on this planet. He is encouraging, hilarous, and handsome as ever. He is still teaching fifth grade, and is loving it. At the end of every school year, his favorite student is always the one who gave him the most trouble. He has such a heart for the hurting. I love him dearly, and fall even more in love with him the longer I know him. I'm so fortunate to have him in my life, my daily constant reminder of what unconditional love looks like.
Joel will be three and half next month. He continues to be an easy, happy, loving little boy. He's still larger than most kids his age, wearing size 5 clothing, hovering about a head above everyone else. He has completely mastered peeing on the potty, but has yet to do #2. Some days it feels like I'll be packing diapers for him when he leaves for college, but I know he'll do it when he wants to. He is a very smart little guy, completing puzzles way advanced for his age. His 150+ puzzles are now so easy for him, that he completes them upside-down. He loves to talk about the alphabet, sound out words, and spell his name. He has the dearest face and the kindest temperment. Yes, he has his moments, but overall he's an eager to please kinda guy. He's, not surprisingly, an amazing big brother, constantly asking to give his sister kisses. Gabriel would be two now, running around and getting into things. Sometimes I look around while Joel is playing joyfully on his own, and Zoe lays on her mat smiling at her toys, and I imagine another little boy opening cabinets and climbing the tv stand and then I think about how lovely it is that I can go upstairs and shower with the easy two kids I have now!! Zoe is the absolute most precious baby in the world. I'm sure all Mommas think this, but I just can't get over that God gave me the prettiest little girl ever created! She's almost four months old (OMG) and has become a very happy, cuddly little one. She sleeps very well, just like her older brother, going to bed at 7/8pm and not waking up until 7/8am. She takes three naps for me during the day, and stays pretty happy after eating 5oz. Like most girls, she loves to "talk" and has started to belly laugh. She has rolled over from her belly to her back two times, and now rolls to her side when you lay her on her back. She's completely used to falling asleep while I literally kiss all over her face and cheeks. I want her to be able to fall asleep on her own, but find myself rocking her and cuddling her way more than I did Joel. I guess the third time around, you realize just how quickly they aren't babies anymore. I'm obsessed with smelling her and dream about how I can bottle her scent. My favorite is the smell of her hands, after being balled up. Crazy, I know. Love her so very much and can already see the difference in the love a momma has for her little girl. I'm doing pretty well these days. My head knows how truly blessed I am, but sometimes my heart still aches. Contentment is something I continue to strive for, but I feel it more and more often. I'm still pretty OCD when it comes to everything being in its place, and I've been lucky enough to be given a toddler who agrees with this philosophy. I have the best friends in the world, who lift me up in prayer and make me laugh so hard I cry. This is a video of little Zoe at seven weeks, when she was first starting to smile and coo. My favorite part of the video is probably hearing Joel in the background, literally repeating everything I say. So precious. Enjoy! So, it has just been brought to my attention that I have readers, daily readers, who do NOT have Facebook and have NOT seen a picture of Zoe since she turned three months! I'm so sorry to keep you all waiting! Enjoy! More blogs to come, soon!
Although I may no longer sound sane, I'd like to share something with my readers. As much as I miss my Gabe, and as often as I think of him, I've never so much as had a dream about him. But, the other week, I had what I'll call an encounter...
Kyle came home from work, exhausted. He came into the living room and sat beside me on the couch. I was holding Zoe in my arms, leaning her against the pillow on my left, and I could feel Kyle on my right, as he put his head back and took a much needed nap after a busy day. Joel was sleeping soundly upstairs. I figured since everyone around me was sleeping, I'd go ahead and shut my eyes too. A few minutes later, still very much awake, I had a distinct feeling that the gap between Zoe on the left side of my lap, and Kyle touching the right side of my body, was now occupied. It felt like I had my baby on my left, my husband on my right, and snuggled in between was my Gabriel. Even as I type this, it brings me to tears. It was a very concrete sensation. For just a moment, I know that Gabriel's spiritual presence was with me. I felt like my entire family was together in that moment. Call me crazy, but I hope it happens again soon... Yesterday morning, after struggling to get both kids changed and dressed for the day, I tell Joel to go downstairs and wait for me to get him breakfast, and I put Zoe in her boppy on my bed so that I can attempt to go to the bathroom by myself. Ha! So, immediately I hear Joel playing with my Willow Tree people in the hallway and he starts saying things like, "What's wrong with this one? Uh oh! Momma!" So I hurry up and escort him away from the figurines. As I'm retrieving Zoe, I hear Joel saying "Momma! Look! Snakes!" He's found the breast pump and is twirling the little hoses above his head. Lovely.
These are gorgeous pictures taken by my dear friend, Chandra. She came to my home and spent the morning capturing my little model's beauty. We are so grateful for her time, efforts, and talent!
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Meghan
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April 2012
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